After the loss of her mother, Elara discovers her true birthright
It was all a blur. The tears, the confusion, the stupid sympathetic but awkward “What do I do now?” looks on the doctors’ faces as they watched my face drop, and the tears start spilling out. I couldn’t even cry anymore, the truth had burrowed into my brain and now just sat there. No emotions, no thoughts, just “Oh. I guess that happened.” How was I supposed to sleep now? I stared at the ceiling. I was awake. Not from sadness, but from utter boredom. I covered my head with my pillow as the baby started another crying fit. Her cries echoed through my head. Haunting me. The new baby was the whole reason this had happened, and yet now she was in bed with my dad, crying about some dumb thing like being hungry, or being tired or needing a diaper change. She didn’t understand the pain, and probably never would.
The baby cried for the millionth time since she was born. Which was yesterday. I needed a break.
“Dad, I’m going outside” I said drowsily, putting my shoes on. He rushed out to stop me.
“Wait. You need to read this first. I already did. It’s from your mother,” he mumbled. I almost couldn’t tell his wife had died yesterday. Almost. He still stuttered over the word mother, and looked at the ground as he said it. Making the words barely audible. I stared at him questioningly and pulled the letter out of the envelope. Seeing the curvy handwriting of my mother almost made me break down in tears. This was probably the last letter my mother had ever written. Somehow, I held in the tears, saving them in my mental bucket. When it overflowed, there would be no way to stop the sobs and they would cascade down my face in waterfalls for hours. I read the letter:
Dear Elara (and Nick),
I really don’t want to have to do this, but after I die, you can no longer go into the forest. I’m so sorry, love. I know the forest means everything to you, and I don’t want to have to take it away from you, but it is simply too dangerous and unpredictable now that I’m gone. Please forgive me.
—Mom
I stared at my dad in disbelief.
“What? No, you can’t. I—I have to go there!” I shouted.
My dad looked at the ground and mumbled some more. “Elara, I think it’s better if you stay inside right now.” After a few awkward seconds I reluctantly followed him upstairs. Just then the baby started another crying fit, and Dad rushed to shut her up. I sat on the couch and stared blankly at the wall. The forest was the only part I had left of my mother, and now I didn’t even have that. I felt like sobbing, ripping my hair out, screaming all over again. I couldn’t do this. I didn’t know how anyone could. I was alone. So alone. I had nobody to talk to, nobody to play with, nobody to pass the time with. All I could do was sit and stare at the wall watching the time pass as the baby cried again. And again. And again. I was just a blob. I couldn’t think, couldn’t speak. I could barely walk. The sky was starting to darken. I sighed; I had been staring at the wall for hours. I would never have done that if Mom was still here. Slowly, I stood up and stumbled to bed.
* * *
I woke up the next morning. Despite my sadness and hopelessness the night before, I felt confident and happy. But I hid my smile and stumbled sleepily out into the kitchen.
“Good morning, Ela,” Dad mumbled, the circles under his eyes telling me exactly how his night went.
“Morning.” I smiled, forgetting that I was supposed to be sad. Dad didn’t smile back, though the slightest hint of amusement hit his face.
“Someone slept well,” he decided. His voice held a slightly painful tinge of bitterness and jealousy.
“Sorry, Dad,” I muttered under my breath, and then I waited. I had already put on socks and my favorite sweater over my pajama shirt. As soon as the baby started crying, I went for it. I couldn’t help myself from smiling guiltily and mischievously as I slipped my shoes on and begged silently for the door not to creak. Creaaaaaakkk. I grimaced but opened the door quickly and slipped outside.
* * *
I breathed in the fresh air of the meadow and brushed my hand against the long grass beside me. I watched the forest grow closer as I walked, and my heart beat faster as its tall evergreen trees towered over me. I sighed. This was it. I was about to see my mother again, or at least partially.
“Elara!” a voice called from behind me. I turned, my smile fading when I saw who it was. “Get back inside. Now,” my dad yelled. The baby, for once, was not crying. Instead, she lay over my dad’s shoulder, drooling on the spit up-covered cloth. I blushed guiltily and followed him inside.
“Elara, this is unacceptable. I can’t have you running off whenever I am in the other room looking after your sister.” I cringed. “I have no choice but to ground you.” I stared at him.
“What?” I said in disbelief. “But—you—why!?” My dad didn’t reply; he just went into the kitchen to feed the baby.
“Well no wonder I tried to leave. You’ve only talked to me twice since it happened; both times it was about the stupid rule that mom made,” I muttered. Dad didn’t seem to hear me. Instead, he decided to tell me about the third-worst thing I would ever experience in my life. Coincidently, they had all happened in the last week.
“You’re going to start school next week,” he said. He dropped it on me just like that. No sympathetic “I’m sorry Elara, but Sedalia is more important than you” or “I can’t homeschool you like your mother did because you’re a troublemaker, unlike my sweet baby, Sedalia.”
I didn’t respond. I just walked calmly to my bedroom so that I could explode. I couldn’t keep myself calm for one more second. The tears fell; they pooled on my bedroom floor and the carpet sucked them in. I threw my pillow at the wall until I had no energy left to do even that. My dad hadn’t even come to see what was wrong.
* * *
My grandma came over the next morning. I had only seen her at family dinners on Christmas and Thanksgiving and that was it, but now she was here, ready to pick me up for a girls’ shopping day. Hooray. Her face was droopy and wrinkled, but she was healthy for a seventy-year-old. Dad hugged me goodbye, but only after carefully changing Sedalia’s diaper, and then Grandma led me out the door to her car. It was a miserable shopping trip. Apparently my Dad had called Grandma and asked her if she would take me out to get some school supplies. He probably told her it would “take my mind off of things, and get me out of the house.” You know what else would do the same thing but better? If he let me go into the forest instead of being so insistent on enforcing mom’s rule. Instead he sent me away with my grandma, who I hadn’t seen in over a year, to go shopping for pencils. Probably so that I wouldn’t be tempted to run off again. He was too busy with his beloved Sedalia to stop me, so he recruited someone else to do it for him.
* * *
“How about this one?” Grandma smiled, holding up a flowery pink pencil case labeled: All-in-one pencil case: with all the school supplies already there!
I took one look at it and frowned. The contents read: a glue stick, scissors, highlighters, pens, and the pencil case! The “All-in-one pencil case” didn’t even include a pencil. We ended up leaving the store with nothing. Grandma took me to a few other stores. Eventually we went home without buying anything.
“How did it go?” asked Dad “It was horr—” I started.
“Great! Elara is so sweet. I would love to see her more often,” Grandma interrupted, glancing at me, smiling. I looked down and rolled my eyes at the floor. When I looked up, my dad was glaring at me. Then he looked away.
“It would be great if you could come tomorrow and again on the weekend,” Dad said.
Now, if I screamed and ran away, there was no one to stop me from going too far.
That was my cue to leave. I spent the next while walking around my bedroom grumbling to myself about how unfair it was that I had to go to school. Until now I had been homeschooled. By Mom. She had barely ever given me boring assignments like paper worksheets. When I learned math for the first time, Mom had taken me out into the forest and asked me to count all the trees around me. I had counted twenty, before realizing I had missed a lot of trees and lost track halfway through. There, she had taught me how to estimate. We had looked at a group of ten trees and counted how many of those sized groups we could see. We ended up estimating that in the area we covered in our walk, there were about 1,500 trees. The next day we went back and found a little hole with some mice inside; we counted six. Then we set up a picnic and waited. One of the mice left, and without letting me walk up to count the mice that were now left in the hole, she taught me how to subtract. We sat there for a long time watching the mice come and go. By the end, there were eleven mice in the hole. When I learned multiplication, division, algebra, and geometry, she had also taken me into the forest, counting random things. Science was my favorite subject. We would bring out a basket, but instead of it being filled with sandwiches, cheese, and crackers, it was filled with microscopes, acids, and chemicals. We would study beetles under the microscope, their vibrant colors shining in the light. We would dip different types of leaves in the acids. We always had to make sure each and every bug was off of them, because if I saw a single dead bug floating in the bubbly liquid, I would scream and run into the woods, never far enough to get lost, before my mother chased me down and scooped me into her arms, both of us laughing. Now, if I screamed and ran away, there was no one to stop me from going too far. No one to pick me up, a smile covering my face and the silent air carrying our cheerful laughter. Now, all I could do was keep running into the darkness, and if I got too tired to run and scream any longer, I would have to sit in front of a tree and cry until I fell asleep. The darkness would fall over me, and I would never find my way back.
* * *
The next morning, I woke up to my dad yelling my name. Eventually, when his endless calls annoyed me enough, I got out of bed.
“What, Dad?” I said, my words slurred and my voice cracked.
“Your grandmother is going to be here in less than five minutes. I’ll ask her to get you breakfast, but get ready quickly,” he explained.
“Okay,” I replied.
Then I started doing the exact opposite. I brushed my teeth for about five minutes, which made them feel nice, but my gums tasted like raw flesh and blood. By then my grandma had already arrived, and my dad was standing with her awkwardly by the door, yelling at me every few seconds to hurry up. I didn’t. I brushed my hair extra well, making sure not to rip the pretty, long brown curls. I even tried the lip gloss that had been sitting in my drawer for months. I got dressed slowly, and by the time I was down the stairs, Dad was looking at me angrily and Grandma was cooing to Sedalia, who was staring up at her. I looked at Sedalia. I had probably laid in Grandma’s arms just like that many times before, just like I did the same thing with my dad. Now Dad would barely look at me, and he was sending me off with Grandma. Until he had school to send me to instead. Tears started pooling in my eyes. Why did I even have to go to school? Mom had told me she had already taught me most of the things that regular grade tens were learning. The only reason to go to school would be so that Dad could send me somewhere so that he could take care of cute little Sedalia and not worry about me running off to the forest every second he went off to care for her.
“Ready to go, Se—I mean, Elara?” asked Grandma.
Typical. Even she cared about Sedalia more than she cared about me. Of course she thought Sedalia was cuter. I said goodbye to my dad without even looking at the baby, and walked out the door.
* * *
We arrived home, and Grandma drove up to the curb and I hopped out of the car quickly. She had somewhere to be, so she couldn’t come in. I walked slowly to the door, waiting for her to drive away. Once she did, I made a run for it. I ran through the meadow, the grass sweeping my legs and tickling my ankles. The air blew around me, forcing me to close my eyes. I could feel the forest growing closer, the tall trees towering over me and the dark shade blocking out the sunlight and the heat. When I thought I was close enough, I slowed down and opened my eyes. Without another thought, I stepped into the forest.
* * *
I walked along the path, the pine needles and gravel somehow completely silent as I stepped over them. I looked around in wonder. The trees were covered in moss. It climbed up them like bumpy green snakes. I didn’t feel like screaming when I walked past the spot where Mom and I used to have picnics. I even sat down there and enjoyed the memories of our picnics. I imagined my happiness last time we were here. I could almost hear our laughter still echoing and bouncing from tree to tree. But the last time we were here was almost a year ago. Mom hadn’t come here since she got pregnant. She had told me I could take a break from school that year, that I had already learned all the stuff my grade needed to know. As well as the grades ahead, so that year she had spent most of her time either at the doctor, or with my dad talking about baby names, gender-reveal parties, baby showers, and all that. When we played board games, if we ever had time to start one, we never had time to finish it. I thought as soon as the baby was born, my life would go back to normal. Obviously, it hadn’t. Now I walked through the forest. Despite the chaos, tears, and screams of the past week, I felt normal, like my mom was right there walking by my side, like in her hand swinging forward and backward was our hand-weaved picnic basket, filled with a delicious lunch we had made ourselves, with my favorite picnic blanket tucked into the bottom. Mom had made it before I was born. It had square patches of different fabrics, and I always loved staring at the different pictures. It was almost as if I had gone back in time. If my dad noticed I was gone, he would never find me.
The trees around me seemed to grow taller, the shadows darker and the path curvy and long.
I started running, the wind brushing past my face again and blowing my hair behind me in long flowing strands. I only stopped when I was too tired to take one more step. I sat down beside a tree trying to slow my quick breathing and beating heart, but as darkness fell on the forest, my heavy eyelids fell closed and I fell asleep.
* * *
Elara . . . ELARA!!! I jumped, waking myself up. I wasn’t in the forest anymore; I was in a meadow, and there were butterflies flying around my head. The sun sparkled instead of burning through my eyelids or being painfully bright. The grass was replaced by wildflowers, their pollen being taken by all sorts of flying insects and birds.
Elara, wake up and run home. Run home and never come back. They’re coming. It was my mom’s voice, and it was surprisingly soothing.
“Yes, Mom,” I said, dazed. Without realizing what she meant, or who “they” were. The meadow faded to black, and then the forest formed around me. I stood up, and without thinking I started running down the path. I had been running for a long time when I suddenly stopped. I didn’t recognize any of the trees around me. I turned around and started running that way, but I didn’t recognize anything that way either. I spun in a circle, my heart beating fast. I was lost. The trees around me seemed to grow taller, the shadows darker, and the path curvy and long.
I panicked and ran some more. I didn’t know where I was going. I just ran hoping that somehow I would find my way out of the dark woods, and home. At one point I thought I found the clearing where me and Mom used to have picnics, but when I looked around there were twenty more clearings that looked exactly the same. I was lost. I dropped down in the clearing and hugged my knees. The tears spilled out of my eyes again. The trees and shadows blurred and became blobs. One spot got brighter and clearer. I got a weird sensation, like I was a magnet being pulled towards the light. My eyes still blurry from the tears, I walked towards it. The light dimmed when my eyes cleared, but I knew it had to be that way. There was no other way to go.
I walked as quickly as I could that way, but by the time night had fallen again, it felt like I had made no progress at all. I slumped down. Defeated. I would never find my way home. To make matters worse, I felt like I was being watched. A shadow burst through the trees. I turned and watched where I had seen it out of the corner of my eye. Nothing moved. After a few minutes, another shadow seemed to scurry past. But as soon as I turned its way, it disappeared. I turned away. This time it seemed as if two shadows passed on either side of me. When I turned, I saw them. They towered over me. The air around them floated in strands of darkness. I screamed. My heart beating, I stood to run. I ran harder than I ever had before, but they were faster, and there were more of them ahead of me. I wished my beating heart would slow down and stop the blood from rushing through my head so fast. Soon I was surrounded by the monsters. I shielded my eyes and tried to back away, but it was no use. They reached out to touch me. I felt a pang of guilt; my dad would never know what happened to me.
I held up my hand to block them. Light pierced my eyelids. It wasn’t orange or yellow like the sun; it was bright blue. When it faded, I opened my eyes. The monsters had backed off a bit, and my hand tingled as if I’d dipped it in some kind of acid. What had I done? A monster came up to me, its fingers grazing my baggy sweater, just before another stream of light came down, making the monster cry out in agony and disappear. I looked up to the source of the light, but the darkness hid whoever was hiding in the shadows. Whoever had just saved my life. I stared up into the shadows, looking for a sign that someone was there, but I couldn’t see anything, and the remaining monsters were floating toward me. I ran through a gap in the circle of darkness. As I ran, I heard someone coming after me. Their eyes staring into my back. I ran harder.
“Elara, wait.” The voice of my mother flowed through my brain. It hadn’t come through my ears; it was as if it had always been there. The voice echoed everywhere in my brain and I stopped. Everything in my body seemed to shut down; I no longer had control of my body. I turned and walked toward the bright blue light behind me.
The form floated smoothly over the gravel- and pine needle-covered path. As it grew closer, I could make out the facial features. The flowing long hair, but instead of blonde it had changed to a light, transparent blue. The nose was long and pointed, the eyes that were usually pretty hazel were now a slightly darker shade of blue, and the wrinkles that never changed how old she looked still sat there, but not as deep.
“Mom?” I said, even though I knew it was her. I had felt her presence ever since I had entered the forest.
“Yes. I think it’s time you went home. Your father is worried about you,” she said. Her bright blue lips moved, but the sound came from everywhere in the forest. Without a word, I followed her. When we saw a shadow, she pushed her light toward it. Making it creep back into the depth of the forest. But every time she did so, she lost a little color. Her form fading and becoming more transparent.
“Listen. I know this is a lot to take in, but I don’t have much time. I’m losing my light,” she said after we walked for a while. “Elara. Hold up your hand. Like this.” She held up her hand in the direction of a tree. Then when I had copied her, she adjusted my hand, touching my fingers and sending tingling sensations up them. This seemed to make her even more transparent. I worried she would fade away too soon.
“Now. Close your eyes.” I closed my eyes.
“Elara! Quick, it’s coming.” Before I could open my eyes, bright light shot through my eyelids. I opened my eyes.
“Did you do that?” My hand tingled with new power, and when I looked at my hand, it looked pale and wrong.
“No, Elara. You, like me, are one of the only Luxrae left in the world,” she started. I interrupted.
“Wait . . . what!?” I demanded. My mother just smiled at me.
“Oh yes. Why do you think I got called down to be the protector of the forest once again? How do you think you shot light out of your hand, and somehow those Umbrae disappeared?” She said it in a weird, other world-sounding accent. The kind of accent you would expect some type of fairie to have. Which I guess she is. I guess I am. When I still stared at her, confused, she sighed and started from the beginning.
“Elara, Luxrae are like fairies. We are the protectors of the world. I am a Luxsil; I protect the forest. There are other types of Luxrae, like Luxmar. We must protect the world from the evil Noxrae and Umbrae. Now I must pass my role on to you,” she explained.
“Then why didn’t you want me to go into the forest?” I wondered.
“Because I was worried; my sister and I were full Luxrae. You are only half; I was worried it would be too much for you. I should’ve taught you; I just ran out of time.”
“Wait, you have a sister?” I demanded. I was never told much about my mom’s side of the family. I had never even heard about my grandparents, or apparently my aunt.
“Yes. She was my best friend. That’s why I decided to give you a sister. Even though I knew Luxrae can only have two children. I thought you would love her.
But apparently I was wrong.” She smiled sadly
“Wait, what do you mean Luxrae can only have two children. You mean you knew you would die? And you never warned me?” I felt offended, but also guilty. I had spent the first week of my sister’s life wishing she didn’t exist, when my mom had given up her life for her. Maybe having a sister wasn’t so bad. I had a sudden urge to run home; I hadn’t ever held a baby before. I hadn’t wanted to before, but now suddenly that was the only thing I wanted to do. I started running. Behind me my mother sent me the last of her light, and faded away, The monsters I ran past crept back. I didn’t mind that I hadn’t properly said goodbye to my mother; she would always be here. All I had to do was come back.
* * *
When I walked through the door and wasted no time asking my dad if I could try holding my sister, he didn’t ask questions. He smiled, relieved yet knowingly, and handed Sedalia to me carefully, showing me how to hold her. I stared down at her tiny face, her eyes closed peacefully. Though I can’t say I was very pleased when she opened her eyes and spat up all over my face. It kind of ruined the moment. As my dad wiped the spit-up off my face, I rocked her back and forth. She was my favorite baby sister in the whole world. Though there weren’t many other options to choose from.