Plays

The Storm

Scene 1 CLOUD and ROCK are talking to each other while rain falls around them. CLOUD What a sorry excuse for a storm. The novices are playing. ROCK Let them play. They do no harm. I have been whirled into the eye of a storm. Who are you to predict what will happen? The eye was kind. It was the color blue. CLOUD Your eye is gray. ROCK I have no eye; describe yourself to me. CLOUD I could do much better. I could make it so no one came out. This is a whimpering storm. We must end the reign of umbrellas! ROCK You are an interesting friend. Are there more of you? I prefer not to think so. CLOUD There are many more of me. I am never alone. ROCK CLOUD Who are you to predict what will happen? Scene 2 BUSH and LAMP are talking to each other while the storm continues on. BUSH I am refreshed. LAMP My lightbulb despairs. Abandoned. BUSH A wonderful word. LAMP Then you are lost too! BUSH No, I know nothing of abandonment or adventure. Who am I to predict what will happen? I am patted on the head by children, perched upon by birds, tended to by weary gardeners. LAMP Then you have never been in a storm before? BUSH I am new, practically a child. But even I know that this is a sorry excuse for a storm. LAMP You are cruel. Who are you to predict what will happen? Already my light goes out. I am crushed. I am ruined. Goodbye, self. Who will use me now? Am I meant to be alone? To rot? I am cheap plastic. I have no name, just like a canine tooth. BUSH Are you really so alone? Who are you to predict what will happen? Scene 3 SEAGULL perches above OCEAN and watches waves crash onto the sand. SEAGULL You are angry. Caw caw. OCEAN I will not be manipulated by this sorry excuse for a storm. SEAGULL Who are you to predict what happens? OCEAN I know, I know it all! I contain so much life. It speaks to me every day. But it is silent now. It is afraid, like I am afraid. I cannot stop dancing! SEAGULL Shall I go perch on a car hood? OCEAN Stay with me. SEAGULL Or shall I knock on the door of a brownstone with my beak? OCEAN Stay with me. SEAGULL If I stay, I will be swept up into your depths. OCEAN Stay with me, hovering high if you must. SEAGULL I will stay to keep you happy. OCEAN I will still be sad. SEAGULL I will stay to be your friend. OCEAN I will still be lonely. SEAGULL Will you? Who are you to predict what will happen? Scene 4 CLOUD, ROCK, BUSH, LAMP, SEAGULL, and OCEAN are all together. LAMP Bush, how have you moved? You are rooted into the ground. BUSH I move my mind, and my bird-pecked body has no choice but to go with it. ROCK A sad body makes for a sad mind. CLOUD Who are you to predict what happens? SEAGULL Stop with your silly phrases! OCEAN A family reunion in the midst of this sorry excuse for a storm. SEAGULL I would shake your hands, but I have none! (The whole party titters.) OCEAN Do not be sorry, for I cannot stop dancing! LAMP Then I shall introduce myself, and you, too. CLOUD No need, no need for such formalities! ROCK Inside life has corrupted you. BUSH Yes, we are natural. LAMP I feel the need to expel someone. BUSH Expel yourself, then! CLOUD Expel from what? OCEAN The sky. ROCK A life without sky . . . SEAGULL A lonely life. ROCK Let us dance! OCEAN I already do so. I have predicted what will happen. The sea creatures talk to me again. CLOUD I will not dance in this sorry excuse for a storm. LAMP We are cruel. SEAGULL Even together, we are nothing. EVERYONE TOGETHER Yes, who are we to predict what will happen?

Spring Will Not Die

By a group of Syrian refugees in Reyhanli, Turkey with the support of Karam House—Afnan, 15; Ahmad, 16; Fatima, 18; Hayam, 16; Mohammed A., 16; Mohammed, 16; Mustafa, 16; Nour Al Huda, 16; Rasha, 16; and Sedra, 15 Translated from Arabic.   Characters The King: A dictator; angry, cold, insensitive. Thaer: The revolutionary; a young, driven, impatient dreamer of freedom. Passionate with his people, tough with his enemies. Khaled: A young man; hesitant but quietly driven. Maria: A very strong young woman who impacts the people around her in a powerful way. Lara: Hesitant, always afraid. Rama: Adamant, insists on her way; strong and passionate. Lana: A young woman who loves modern conveniences and the advantages of modern life. She has drive and passion but is soft. Fatima: Always hides her feelings. The revolution engaged her after she realized its essence, then embraced its meaning. Introduction Welcome to all our guests. Revolutions, and especially the revolutions in the Arab lands today, aren’t simple events that can be conveyed in a play of less than half an hour. The reality is the blood of the people. It’s not easy to fully portray their pain and suffering. This play may not be one-hundred percent accurate or an exact mirror of reality, but it seeks to present the way in which the demonstrations the youth brought to the streets were driven by their passion for freedom. Thank you for attending. Scene One A procession through the kingdom as the KING and his entourage pass through. Sitting on his throne, he exudes power. Next to him are his courtiers. The poor people in tattered clothes walk by, cursing the procession. The Fall of Democracy THAER (quiet and afraid) Oh, people, we need to start the movement now. Enough of silence and fear. We’re fed up. We should no longer tolerate this oppression. Don’t  you see our ruler’s transgressions? MARIA (in a very soft voice) What are you doing, Thaer? Do you want to get us all killed? The King has forbidden us to even think about democracy. Stop it. You don’t know what will happen to us. FATIMA You may tempt fate and survive, but what about the millions of people who will be implicated and caught up in what you do? And if you’re killed, what about all those who see you as their hero—what about them? Do you know what will happen? LANA (fearful) Stop it! This only creates fear, and if someone hears this talk, it will be the end of us. Scene Two An alley in the kingdom. From afar, someone speaks. A suspicious gathering. In a secret location, young people come together and then disperse. THAER Friends, enough of fear. Let’s prepare to claim our rights. LARA You’re going to get us killed! KHALED Let’s talk about something we can actually accomplish, something realistic. THAER My loved ones, my friends, my family— what’s wrong with you? You hear and see, and don’t speak out. Is it worth it for you to lose the dignity which you only claim to have? Or your honor and pride, which you are burying with your own hands? Your conscience is drugged while you sleep. Answer me, for the sake of the life you dream of. Do you want to applaud empty idols and worship gangsters and obey ignorant thugs? Don’t you believe in yourselves? I swear to God, who is generous of spirit and who makes all things right, that you will be shunned by His mercy. I want you as I knew you—free and with self-respect. Revolutionary. Don’t be like animals, without a sense of purpose and destiny. Silence. Scene Three The King’s minions are collecting taxes by force from the poor merchants. RAMA With all this oppression and aggression, I’m beginning to understand Thaer’s words. KHALED Me too. I can’t tolerate this stealing from the people while the rich are in their palaces, surrounded by flatterers and covered in gold. FATIMA We need to work together, hand in hand, and not let each other down. We need to regain balance in our country. This is our mission. LANA I completely agree with you. MARIA I’m with you too, and I will stay with you until my last breath. And this will be the pin of the grenade—we will rekindle the conscience of the people. THAER What about you, Lara? LARA (waiting for everyone, speaking hesitantly) I’ll be with you. RAMA (stepping forward and speaking) Tomorrow will be our first outcry against their arrogance. Scene Four In front of the King’s palace. Everyone is approaching the throne and glancing at each other. THAER Who are we and who are you? We are the hidden voice of justice, and you are the voice of oppression. We are the driving force, and you are steering us without knowing where you’re going. We are the light, and you are extinguishing us. Let’s all repeat: this kingdom is ours; it does not belong to the King’s minions. We are the owners of the kingdom, not you. More and more people pick up the chant. While the crowd is shouting, the throne begins to quake and the KING orders his minions to attack. LARA is killed, and everyone withdraws from the square where they were assembling. The curtain closes. Scene Five The curtain opens on the same hiding place. There are new members of the group, but all are downcast over LARA’s death. RAMA (standing in the center, cries out) What’s wrong with this ruler? Does he want to kill us simply for asking for our basic rights? What would he do if we went even further—to demand his removal? THAER (after thinking) I think this is our new mission. Everyone prepare to instruct the people to demand their rights. The curtain closes. The curtain opens on the square. RAMA starts by claiming power for the people and an end to the tyranny and oppression of the oppressor. Everyone begins to chant, and then spears start

I Would Like to Speak to the Manager

Overture: “Happy Go Lively” by Laurie Johnson. On the left half of the stage is a pristine white office room. On the right half, we see the burned down remains of a living room, with only a small side table still standing. On the table sits an old rotary phone. The OPERATOR sits in the office, and the CUSTOMER sits on a burnt stool in the living room. CUSTOMER angrily dials the phone. There is a pause, before the OPERATOR’S phone rings. The OPERATOR picks up the phone with a fake smile. OPERATOR Hello. This is customer service. How may I help you today? CUSTOMER Hello. Yes, I would like to file a complaint. The toaster I ordered exploded and burned down my house. OPERATOR Oh no! That’s terrible. First, you will need to give me the 16-digit personal identification code, your four-digit product verification code on the certificate of authenticity that you received with your product, and the official purchase edition number written on your product. CUSTOMER What? What are those!? OPERATOR You will need to take all of those things and fax them to the number listed on our website. CUSTOMER I don’t have a fax machine. I don’t think anyone does. Also, my house burned down. OPERATOR Yes. We will wait for your fax. Thank you. CUSTOMER Well, can I file a complaint through your website? OPERATOR Yes, we have a website. Please go there. CUSTOMER Can I please just file a complaint with you? OPERATOR Do you have your 16-digit personal identification code? CUSTOMER I already told you I don’t! OPERATOR Then no. CUSTOMER: AAAAAAAGHHHH! OPERATOR Transferring to AAAAAAAGHHHH department. Please hold. “Happy H. Christmas” by Maniacs of Noise begins to play. OPERATOR (As the music stops) Welcome to the AAAAAAAGHHHH department. Unfortunately, there has been a mistake. Please select a new department. For billing, press 1. For sales, press 2. For tech support, press 3. For a hilarious and amusing story, press 4. A very long time passes. For the complete soundtrack of both the movie and the Broadway production of Sweeney Todd, press 13,216. For the nearest free trade door knocker manufacturer, press 13,217. For complaints department, press 13,218. CUSTOMER sighs very loudly and violently spins the dial on the rotary phone. OPERATOR Okay, please hold. Thank you. “Happy H. Christmas” by Maniacs of Noise begins to play once more. OPERATOR Hello! This is the complaints department. What can I do for you today, valued customer? CUSTOMER I have a complaint regarding terrible customer service. Also, are you the same person? Because this sounds like the same person. OPERATOR (Suddenly speaking in a German accent) No. I am not the same person. Why would you think that? CUSTOMER Are you sure? Because you sound like the same person I was just talking to, only with a German accent. And I still have a complaint. OPERATOR (Still speaking with a German accent) Shall I transfer you to my superior? CUSTOMER Okay. Fine. Whatever. A different terrible, obnoxious song begins to play. OPERATOR (Russian accent) Hello, this is management! Management is testing out a new robotic help cyber-bot. It is still in the learning phase. Please be patient. CUSTOMER I don’t think I’ve got much patience left. And you are definitely still the same person. OPERATOR (French accent) Non. What is it with you and your false accusations? I’m a different person! CUSTOMER Well for starters, you keep changing your accent. OPERATOR (Southern accent) I do not. CUSTOMER Can I just talk to the robot? Please? OPERATOR Fine. Whatever. There is a long pause. CUSTOMER sighs heavily. OPERATOR exits stage left and is replaced with an advanced-looking ROBOT, played by someone wearing a plain, white mask that features a blank expression. ROBOT Hello! This is the management support robot! What can I help you with? CUSTOMER Customer service. ROBOT Could you repeat that, please? CUSTOMER Tech support. ROBOT I think you said, “Deck fork.” If this is correct, press any diagonal sequence of numbers. If this is incorrect, press the function key. CUSTOMER What?! What’s a function key?! I don’t have a function key! ROBOT I think you said, “I don’t have a function key.” If this is correct, press the function key. CUSTOMER This is insane! Why don’t you just have normal customer service?! ROBOT Uh-oh! What can we do to make your experience better? CUSTOMER I don’t know! ROBOT I am still in the learning phase. Please be patient. CUSTOMER They should have waited until you were done with the learning phase to let you take calls! (Beat) This ought to be against the law! ROBOT I think you said, “I shot my grandma.” Shall I call 911? CUSTOMER No! No! Don’t call 911! This is a disaster! ROBOT What can we do to make your experience better? CUSTOMER I haven’t got a clue. ROBOT I think you said, “My baby’s in the barbecue.” If this is correct— CUSTOMER No! No! Just shut up! I just want to talk to the complaints department! ROBOT Okay, redirecting to the complaints department. CUSTOMER (Relieved) Yes! Finally! ROBOT Uh-oh. There’s been a glitch. Restarting. Shutting down. ROBOT exits and is replaced by OPERATOR. OPERATOR Hello. This is customer service. How may I help you today? CUSTOMER slams the phone down and storms off stage right. OPERATOR sets down its phone, turns to face the audience, and shrugs. CURTAIN CALL. Music: “Window Gazing” by Ivor Slaney.

The Illusory Life of Mr. Brite

Characters MR. BRITE Downtrodden man wearing a black suit stuffed with pads to give the appearance that something is encasing his entire body except his head, which is left bare. Should be at least 50 years old. Should be slumped weakly in a wheelchair. ILLUSION Confident, brightly and colorfully dressed man or woman wearing rainbow-colored, feathered clothing, a rainbow-colored eye mask, and three necklaces: one red, one yellow, one blue. COMPUTER Person in black with his/her face hidden, standing by the upstage curtain. Should speak in a soothing voice. NARRATOR Well-dressed man or woman with dark makeup on face to disguise features.  Setting A lonely, dark apartment in a polluted city. A window frame showing a polluted sky filled with tall buildings is set against the upstage curtain. A futuristic computer with a screen showing random numbers, letters, and symbols sits on a side table next to the wheelchair in which rests MR. BRITE. The stage is bare but for these items. All events take place over the course of a few hours sometime in the future.  Act One  The lights are very dim and remain so throughout ACT I. The actor who plays COMPUTER stands in the upstage left corner, barely visible. NARRATOR circles the stage broodingly. MR. BRITE is asleep in his wheelchair. NARRATOR ( Ominously, slowly ) Mr. Brite is a man like any other man in this Artificial Age. His robotic exoskeleton, which encases his entire body but for his head, keeps him alive and moves his body to push his wheelchair. His computer reads his thoughts and, in turn, controls his exoskeleton. He need not move. He need not speak. (Sighs heavily) Mr. Brite’s is a silent world indeed. Always alone. You will hear his thoughts and the computer’s responses, but remember that they are not actually speaking aloud. (Pause) Only one thing sets Mr. Brite apart from others in the Artificial Age—he is dissatisfied. Life is easy; no one has any worries or concerns or anxieties. But Mr. Brite wonders: “What is my purpose? What lies beyond my door?” He wants to know. NARRATOR leaves us with that to contemplate. Then COMPUTER’s “thoughts” to MR. BRITE break the silence. COMPUTER Sir? Sir! Are you awake? BRITE groans and lifts his head blearily. Looks at COMPUTER’s screen, annoyed. MR. BRITE (Groggily) I am now. What is it? COMPUTER You’ve been asleep for so long. I was worried. With your illness and everything, I thought . . . MR. BRITE Dissatisfaction. Not illness, Computer. I’m dissatisfied. You perpetuate my condition. If you’d just let me go outside . . . COMPUTER (Calmly) No, sir, you can’t go outside. The air is filthy and you’ll die. MR. BRITE (With begrudging resignation) You’re right, I suppose. But it is you and the other technologies that release gasses and make the air this way in the first place. COMPUTER (Cogently, with satisfaction) But I control your exoskeleton. You need me. MR. BRITE (Sighing) I need you. (Pause) Computer? COMPUTER Yes? MR. BRITE Are there others like me out there? Other humans, I mean? I can’t be the only one, can I? COMPUTER Yes, sir. Billions. MR. BRITE Billions?!?! COMPUTER Billions. MR. BRITE Show me one! COMPUTER I’ve been over all of this with you so many times before, sir—I can’t show you another human. My No. 1 protocol is to keep you here, safe from harm. If you see another human, you’ll only want to determine its location and meet it, and that would be dangerous. I can’t risk it. MR. BRITE (Deflated) Very well. Have we really been over all of this before? My memory hasn’t been very good lately. COMPUTER (Exasperatedly) Yes. We have discussed it almost to death, sir. And my protocol does not allow for your death, sir.  There is a moment of silence. MR. BRITE (Yawning) I’m tired. I’d like to go back to sleep. Don’t wake me for another 13 hours. COMPUTER Very well, sir. It shall be so. NARRATOR Thus is the plight of Mr. Brite, and all men and women in this Artificial Age. They deserve to leave, to escape, to be free, but their Computers force them to stay. Undoubtedly this makes you feel bad, as it should, but fear not. Things are soon to change.  Lights dim. End of Act One.   Act Two  The lights come up slightly brighter than in Act One. MR. BRITE is still asleep when ILLUSION enters stage right, looks at the audience with a playful smile, and “shushes” them with a finger to its lips. Then it creeps up on MR. BRITE’s wheelchair from behind and taps him on the shoulder. MR. BRITE Agh! ILLUSION Hello, Mr. Brite MR. BRITE What-what-what’s going on? (Looks around and sees ILLUSION) Who are you?! ILLUSION I am a dream. Or perhaps I am a spirit, a hallucination, a phantasm, a trick of the light. Perhaps I am a delusion or a deception. Perhaps I am imagined. Perhaps I am real. Consider me a vision. I am much like you and your kind, am I not? Whatever I may be, I would prefer you call me “Illusion.” MR. BRITE I-I don’t understand. What’s going on?! ILLUSION The world is wasting away—that’s what’s going on. The people need a hero. Humans weren’t always controlled by computers, you know. MR. BRITE Controlled by computers? What are you talking about? I control Computer. ILLUSION (Dismissively) Yeah, yeah. Anywho . . . you’re dissatisfied. So I’m here to help. Perhaps I was “sent.” Perhaps I’m a figment of your dormant mind sorting things out. You be the judge. No matter what, I need to give you some “I and I”—Intelligence and Inspiration. With those as your tools, you can save humanity from degrading into useless lumps of flesh. Already your computer controls your movements. What’s next? Your mind? MR. BRITE But I control Computer! ILLUSION (Sighing) Let’s get some things straight. First off, the computer does control you. It withholds information that you could use to leave

Bugs are the Future!

SYNOPSIS When two boys sit down in a school cafeteria for lunch, one gets a lesson he’ll never forget. Author’s note: When the topic of food stability comes up, I always point out that the insects are better for us and more sustainable. I get reactions close to this every time I bring it up. This scene is an exaggerated version of that reaction.     CHARACTER LIST BENJAMIN Male, ten years. Always the guy in the background. The guy that helps people when they’re hurt. The kind of guy that doesn’t like being “in the light,” so to speak. JACOB Male, nine years. Would be considered a “nerd.” Is very smart,and talks very fast. Gets bullied a lot. INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA – DAY TWO FRIENDS, JACOB and BENJAMIN, are sitting down to eat their lunches. JACOB takes the meat out of his sandwich and puts it to the side with disgust.   JACOB I wonder why the cooks always put meat in these sandwiches. BENJAMIN (Looking confused) Yesterday you were wondering why they didn’t put more meat on the sandwiches. JACOB (Still looking at the sandwich, more disappointed than disgusted) I thought this school would have made the change. BENJAMIN (Looking even more confused) What change!(Looks around, getting more and more confused) Does this have to do with school? JACOB looks at BENJAMIN, surprised that he didn’t hear the news that everyone knows about. JACOB Come on! We should all reduce our carbon footprint. BENJAMIN Wait… what does meat have to do with our our carbon footprint?! JACOB looks up as if making a list in his head. JACOB Well, cows, chickens, and like, sheep are causing global warming! BENJAMIN Has… (sighs) Has your sister told you this? JACOB (Looking at Benjamin with disbelief) NO!(Calmly) I saw it on the TV. BENJAMIN Really? So, what did it say? JACOB Well…(tilting his head) …it said something about farts, nutrition, factory fumes… BENJAMIN HOLD THE PHONE! Farts? JACOB (Fast-paced and excited) Did you know that cow and sheep farts are releasing methane into the air?! Whatever that is. BENJAMIN Isn’t that a gas? JACOB I think so. BENJAMIN Wait! Nutrition? JACOB Yeah! Nutrition. It said something like… we should stop eating land-based backboned animals, and we should all start eating INSECTS!(BENJAMIN’S face sinks into horror.) Yeah, I’ve been doing some research…. BENJAMIN WHAT! WHAT!! INSECTS!!! JACOB (Calmly) OK… So I was saying… BENJAMIN WHAT IS GOING ON IN MY LIFE!?!?! JACOB (A little bit aggravated) Yeah, and I was going to— BENJAMIN (Cutting off Jacob for the third time) NO!!! I AIN’T GOING TO DO THAT, NO WAY, NO WAY! NO NO NO(Getting faster) NO, NO, NOOOOO! JACOB (Aggravated) YEAH, and I was going to ss— BENJAMIN —No way I’m eating spiders! BENJAMIN closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. A couple beats pass. JACOB You’re calm now, right? BENJAMIN (Still taking deep breaths) Yeah. I’m still not eating spiders. JACOB (In a “matter of fact” voice) Well, Spiders are ARACHNIA, not insects— BENJAMIN Whatever! Anyway, you get what I mean. JACOB No, I don’t “get what you mean.” BENJAMIN I AM NOT EATING ANY INVERTEBRATES! JACOB Why? BENJAMIN What do you mean, “Why” JACOB Why? BENJAMIN (Very certain) They’re spiders. JACOB (Exasperated) Once again…(sighs) spiders are— BENJAMIN NO!(Aggressively but softer, softly and grumbly) I don’t care or know about any of that until now.(Louder) I don’t trust this TV show. JACOB It was on National Geographic! BENJAMIN (Slowly) OK, that’s a little bit better. JACOB (SLOWLY at first, then FAST anyway) I’ve been doing some research on food sources,especially incredibly sustainable ones, and I think I have found the perfect spot to find the perfect food!(Waits a couple seconds then says a little too loud than allowed for the cafeteria) COCKROACHES! JACOB points off screen. BENJAMIN’S face sinks into disbelief and horror. BENJAMIN starts to take deep breaths, but his whole body is tightening up. BENJAMIN (Very softly) Wh—wha—what—? JACOB, completely oblivious, picks up a container with some MEALWORMS in it. JACOB Sadly I could only find some mealworms at the pet store. They were out of cockroaches… BENJAMIN (Still taking deep breaths) B—b—bu—but… B—b—but… JACOB (Still COMPLETELY oblivious) Mind you there are quite a lot of cockroaches in the kitchen, but they most likely have diseases, because they’re not farmed. It wouldn’t be much of a change because— BENJAMIN holds his stomach as if almost regurgitating. JACOB (CONT’D) We already eat about half a cockroach a day! BENJAMIN gets more and more horrified. JACOB (CONT’D) Through breathing! BENJAMIN stops breathing and opening his mouth. JACOB (CONT’D) And just opening and closing our mouths.   BENJAMIN takes both of his hands and claps them over his mouth. JACOBS shrugs then picks up his sandwich (without meat) and adds mealworms to it.  As he bites into the sandwich, BENJAMIN faints, his face falling into his food. CUT TO BLACK THE END Oliver Jacobs, 12 Tallahassee, FL Ula Pomian, 12 Ontario, Canada