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July/August 2013

Once in a Blue Moon

“It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance” I used to think that you only met surprising people in grand theaters, comic book stores, and cathedrals, but now I know that you could meet the most different of all on top of an ordinary rock. August was drawing to a close, and the blue moon was due to appear. We were at the cottage, a cramped building sandwiched so tightly between road and lake that the noise reduced sleep to a potential four hours a night. My parents strongly believed that we should continue going there every summer, as a kind of tribute to my late grandparents who had spent all their money on the place when they had first immigrated to Canada. When I was three and four, it hadn’t been all that bad, maybe even fun. By ten I looked forward to the trip until the first night, when I suddenly dreaded the hours ahead. Now, at fourteen, I dreaded the whole thing for the whole year. It was not a place that a teenager wanted to spend her summers. My brother, Joey, only eight, still had that eagerness about the cottage that died merely when faced with the prospect of sleeping. He dragged our father outside all day and the two of them frolicked in the woods while our mum went into the lake for a three-hour marathon swim. I honestly had no idea what possessed any of them. I was happy for the quiet, though, and spent several hours with my astronomy charts laid out on the dining room table. I examined the positioning of the planets in relation to ours and then decided it wasn’t really worth it and looked in my almanac for the next time two full moons were set to show during one month. It wasn’t until July, 2015. Much as I regretted being at the cottage, I couldn’t deny the fact that it provided a remarkable opportunity to see the moon without light pollution. I knew that blue moons were nothing especially amazing, of course, just a coincidence between our calendar and the lunar cycle. Still, the concept had intrigued me since I became interested in astronomy, and I was looking forward to going out that night and staring up at the stars. I was still poring over my charts when Joey bounded in and looked over my shoulder. I didn’t have time to swat him away before he asked with irritating cheerfulness, “Is the moon really going to be blue tonight, Clara?” “Of course not. They just call it that because all of the other moons have names, and this one happens to be relatively rare so they refer to it as the blue moon. They could just as well have called it the green cheese moon.” He laughed at this thought. “Do you think I could see it with you, anyway?” There was no chance I was going to let Joey intrude on my stargazing. Sure, it would look like any other moon, but astronomy was a passion that I used to remove myself from the confusion of everyday life. I was about to tell him so when Mum came back in from her swim. “Oh, that would be wonderful. After dark, Clara, you and Joey can go out and look at the moon and Dad and I will set up some board games. When you’re done you two can come in and we’ll have a family games night. What do you say, Andrew?” Dad nodded, of course. Well, that was it. My blue moon was ruined, and there wouldn’t be an opportunity for a better one for nearly three more years. I went out on the dock and stared into the distance in anger for the rest of the afternoon. Dad made a special dinner that night. He called it the “green cheese” dinner, much to Joey’s delight, but I could tell by the way he glanced over at me that it was really the “make Clara happy before she spits” dinner. Perhaps the evening wouldn’t turn out too terribly. After we finished up the dishes, Mum made us both change into our pajamas before unleashing us into the night. She outfitted us with flashlights, two apiece, and walkie-talkies before deeming our safety up to her standards. Standing in the door as she watched us go down to the shoreline, her shadow looked like an elongated monster’s. I wouldn’t let Dad’s fancy recipe make up for the fact that I had to deal with a pesky younger brother tonight, of all nights. We reached the waves and Joey reached his hand up to mine. We switched off our flashlights. “It’s so dark,” he whispered into the blackness. Millions of specks glittered above us, completely different from what you see in the city. I wanted to go back five steps and lie in the grass to watch them, but Joey’s wonder was quickly replaced by that irksome bubbliness of his. “Look, Clara,” he said as his eyes adjusted to the night. “That rock isn’t very far from shore. I bet we could get to it and Mum wouldn’t mind too much.” His eagerness trounced my reluctance and we set off in the ankle-deep water. Our fingers were still interlocked as we climbed onto the rock a bit further down the shore. I was surprised that I had never seen it before; after so many dreary cottage summers I had spent hours staring at the lake. I was even more surprised to find that it had a plushness to it, as softly tousled grass had somehow grown upon the rock. We stood with our arms outstretched up at the moon and were giggling madly at the moon when a figure I hadn’t noticed turned around. I jumped back in shock, nearly falling back on the grass. “Hello.” He looked no older than me, but somehow more faded. His hair was a rich brown and his eyes, a glimmering green, glistened

Bass Clef

A curiously-shaped case, elongated ebony Buckles, that when opened reveal gleaming gold Nestled in velvet, radiant brass glints in twists and turns Narrow pipes widen to a vast bell Pieced together with knobs and screws What will this clanky contraption do? Blowing begins, a sound like an old man coughing Spit settling in the pipes, clogging and choking Frustration, tantrums, dismantling is in sight Walk around, wait a while, at last it calls me back With pursed lips and perseverance An astounding melodious sound echoes, ringing through the room Note after note, the slide swings My hands and mouth laboring in unity At last I feel connected to this once awkward hunk of brass It’s no longer just an instrument, but a portal To my joy of music Elliott McCloskey, 13Eagle, Idaho

Sticks and Stones

I was that one M&M that you have only one of, among a million others, trying to blend in The blue car rolled down the dusty road, coming to an abrupt stop in an empty lot. I jumped out and twirled around to face the camp. The sweet smell of pine trees circled around my head and I inhaled. The head counselor came out to meet me and showed me to my bunk. As I approached the wooden cabin, my feet slowed, and I closed my eyes ever so slightly, listening to the sound of gravel beneath my black Converse. Later in the month I would bound up the stairs and slam the screen door, but right now I was quiet, tiptoeing up the creaky steps and slipping through the door. “Hi,” one of the counselors said, smiling. There were about ten people sitting in a circle on the floor. “Hi…” “What’s your name?” “Nisha,” I muttered, looking at the ground. Starting with the counselor to my right, everyone said their name, everyone with the same expression, like dolls in a department store, staring at you with fake smiles and stating their name in a perfunctory manner. They asked me what I was most looking forward to. I told them that I was looking forward to wearing the new pajamas I had gotten (the words printed on the T-shirt read Ice cream for breakfast, cupcakes for lunch), and they laughed. As the new kid, I was worried about making friends, but I was feeling confident. Within the first few days, I noticed two girls whispering to each other. I ignored it; I didn’t really care if they had secrets between them. Throughout the day, I saw them talking to other girls in our bunk, laughing and flipping their high ponytails in the air like a fish on land. Later that night, they walked up to another girl and continued to whisper something in her ear. She smiled, and said the much expected, “Oh my God, really?” “What? What’s so funny?” I asked, curiously. “Um, it’s nothing. You, like, you wouldn’t get it,” one of them said, rolling her eyes, and they walked away. “But you told everyone else,” I murmured under my breath after the girls were too far away to hear. It started out small, but soon people didn’t want to sit next to me, and many of the girls didn’t talk to me when they passed by me during the day, or when we were sitting in the bunk at night. Walking to activities, the other girls would sprint until they were far away from me, and then they would slow down. If I got too close, they would sprint again. I got used to hearing the quiet crackling sound of pebbles flying in every direction as feet hit the ground. While rehearsing for the upper-camp play, I asked one of the girls (who was playing Le Fou, Gaston’s sidekick, in Beauty and the Beast) if her character died in the end. I couldn’t quite remember, and I knew in some versions, Gaston did. She replied, “You should die in the end.” I looked away, and lightly tapped on the broken piano’s keys. At night, I lay under my sheets, curled into a ball against the cold, and wondered, What was wrong with me? I fingered the boards protecting me from the floor, and waited for sleep to take a wrong turn and fall through my window. I began to notice more and more how excluded I was. All seven girls hung out together and ran away when I would try to join, like trying to catch your shadow, or dance with your reflection. I wondered if I was exaggerating; was I really being excluded, or was I just not making myself heard? Was I even being excluded? I wondered if maybe it was something I’d done… Was I too talkative? Too quiet? Too hyper? Too calm? I was that one M&M that you have only one of, among a million others, trying to blend in. Towards the end of the month, the girls began to act a little more friendly to me, including me in conversations, but all the conversations were about another girl in our bunk, whom everyone had turned on. While I wanted to be included and thought of as a friend, I didn’t want to participate in the awful things they said about her. Every time one of the girls said something bad about the girl, Carly, it seemed to hang in the air for a second, twirl in circles around each of our heads, mocking us, and run away into the forest, never to be found or taken back. I didn’t want to be searching for it with the other girls, trying to hide it so the object of their bullying never found out. I wanted to ask, Why do you suddenly like me, now that you hate someone else? But I also wanted them to continue to like me. One day, as I was heading to my next activity, I suddenly was overcome by a feeling of hopelessness. I slowly climbed up the small hill and picked up a bow. I shot the arrow, and it landed in the woods. Feeling like I could never do anything right, I went to retrieve it. I closed my eyes and tried to relax. I focused entirely on the bull’s-eye, and I raised my left arm. I straightened my right arm and pulled the string back as far as I could. This is it, I thought. I let the string go… and the arrow fell in front of the target. I picked it up. This is why no one likes you, I told myself. And I shot the arrow. It hit red. I smiled, for the first time that day. I realized that I was OK, that the world hadn’t ended. Once everyone forgave Carly, it was back to ignoring me. The last night