November 2020

The cold breeze hit my face when I walked through the school gates. My hair was flying in the air. The tips of my fingers were becoming numb from the cold. Red, orange, and yellow leaves falling everywhere. I could hear people talking and kids laughing. When I turned around, I saw my mom in her beautiful winter coat and dark blue jeans. Her dark brown hair was going different directions in the wind. Her cheeks were red like fresh-picked apples. She looked nervous and excited, her smile big and her eyes running back and forth. When I walked up to her, I saw her beautiful brown eyes staring straight into mine. She said she had great news . . . *          *          * A few years ago I remember sitting in bed with my parents. They started talking about how great it would be to have another baby. Suddenly all of my emotions changed. Out of nowhere I started crying because I thought I wouldn’t be their favorite anymore. Later that day I was sitting in their bed staring at the ceiling, my face still as stone, my eyes wide open, staring into nowhere. *          *          * My mom began talking again. I felt the same way—scared. What was she going to say? Everything changed after these words . . . “You are getting a sibling,” she said. Her voice was filled with happiness. My eyes were full of tears. I have been an only child my whole life. I felt frozen. I felt sad and scared. Then we started walking home. As I walked into the lobby, I could feel the temperature changing from freezing cold to comforting warmth. I could feel the last tear trace down my cheek as I walked toward the elevators. I heard a ding, and the elevator doors opened. My mom’s keys rustled as she reached for the door. I walked right after her. My mom then turned around and said, “I didn’t believe it at first either. I went to CVS three times just to get some other pregnancy tests.” We started laughing for no good reason. My mom was standing there with a smile on her face and in her hands was a strip of black-and-white pictures. It was a picture of the baby. I wasn’t scared to get a sibling. I was scared it would change the relationship between me and my mom; maybe she wouldn’t have time for me anymore. My whole life, I had told my mom everything—every secret, every thought, every feeling I had. She was always there for me. She listened to me, understood me. I was scared she wouldn’t anymore. “We’re going to have so much fun! You will take them to school, teach them how to read, dress them up,” Mom said with a wide smile, her eyes glowing the brightest I have ever seen. I knew she was happy. Somehow my mom and I were connected. When she was happy, I was happy. She made me feel loved and understood all the time. “I would have someone to look out for,” I said. Soon we were fantasizing about how it would be. We laughed, we smiled. I wrapped my arms around her as fast as I could. I could feel the warmth and comfort. Her hair gently brushed against my face. I was happy and excited for what adventures would come along next. Soon I heard the phone ring, and my mom rushed to get it. “Hi, why are you calling?” My mom asked. I knew it was my dad. My mom came close to me and said, “Your dad wants to ask you something.” I grabbed the phone as I hear his voice say, “How are you feeling?” I knew he was asking this due to what I just found out. “Awesome. I’m so excited!” I knew this would be one of the happiest things that happened to me this year. I knew the baby would be something small but would make my world so much better. A week later, I could smell the antiseptic everywhere as I walked into the doctor’s office. “Sit down, please,” the doctor said as me and my parents walked towards the round black table. “May I just ask you a question?” he asked in his calm, deep voice. “Sure,” my mom responded. “How long has it been since you had your first child?” he asked, and soon I looked up from my phone knowing he was talking about me. “Ten years,” my mom said calmly. “Okay. Follow me, please. I just need to check something,” he said as my mom stood up from her seat and went after him. I didn’t know where they were going. Right away all the bad thoughts rushed to my head. Is everything okay? Why are they going away? I thought. As soon as they left, the room was filled with silence. My dad and I sat there, waiting. As I looked around the office, I saw many pictures of kids, adults, and babies on the light-gray walls. It seemed like each one had its own memory and story. I knew that soon we would be on those walls. I looked at my phone and saw that it was already 4:30. They were still not back. Where were they? What happened? Was everything okay? Soon I heard the door creak loudly. My mom was standing there with a smile on her face and in her hands was a strip of black-and-white pictures. It was a picture of the baby. A smile appeared on my face. In months, I would have this tiny person in my life to look out for, to love. *          *          * A few weeks later I remember the warm summer breeze, the sun shining on my face. As my parents and I