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Family

Innocent Yet Dire Words

  Like the mythical creature, It calls out a sound. Just not a pleasant one; A torture in its own way. Siren. I hold my ears and tell myself to breathe. One, two, three, four . . . 12, 13 . . . 20. This will pass; don’t worry. It’s just a siren, you don’t have to have another Freak Out, Lila. It’s okay, it’s okay. See, it’s leaving? Okay, okay. I open my eyes, slowly uncurl myself from my Freak Out Stance, and take one last deep breath. I shake myself off; it’s over now. I peer out the dirt-encrusted window and see a hazed-out dawn. I look at the clock which shows me that it is 6:17. Two hours and 13 minutes left. In the far distance, a careless person pushes a little too hard on the gas and their car makes that God awful noise that makes me wince despite myself. After doing a pointless once over of the three-room shack that is supposedly for two, I scan this “house” (not home) for a woman who doesn’t deserve the title of mother. I prefer to call her by her first name, Ilene. She’s barely ever here. Figures. Last night was the Fourth of July; she probably ran off to San Francisco with only the clothes on her back trying to fill her never-ending want for “adventure.” She’s nicknamed her spontaneous outings “longings” in order to make them sound more magical. Let me assure you, it doesn’t work. After I do my usual morning routine— make the bed, dust the window (singular), eat breakfast (dry cereal)—I get dressed and ready to go. By now it’s 6:50, which means one hour and 40 minutes . . . Well, better just treat it like it’s a normal day, even when my stomach is churning as a way of calling out, Don’t do it! I just hope that Ilene’s back on time. Once I’ve located and thrown on my only decent pair of shoes, I thrust the door open and breathe in the hot air. A moving ghost, Too large to maintain. Clear as day, yet blinding. I stumble through like a wounded soldier; Life Before I give myself over to the overwhelming humiliation that will happen in about an hour and fifteen minutes, I decide to go to my comfort place, the library. My neighborhood is not spectacular in any way, except for maybe the dusty, old makeshift library. To me, this ancient building is the closest thing I’ve ever had to a home. I love the way it’s always been there for me as though it was the parent I never had. The people and books there have become my family to run to whenever I need a home base. It’s the only place I know that didn’t move when I did. When Ilene first had me, she was still living with her parents because she was so young. A month after I was born, she ran away on a train to this small town in Nevada. For the first two years we lived with Wanda, an old widow who took us in. However, she died the day before she and Ilene were going out to look for potential apartments for us to stay in. Since nothing in her will was dedicated to us, we were left to our own devices. It took my mother three months to find a steady job that she could use as a money source. And even then, it only lasted for six months. When she finally had enough money to buy us a somewhat bearable apartment, it was a small, overheated two-room that was extremely uncomfortable for a four-year-old and her single mom. Since then, we’ve been evicted from 32 various apartments, shacks, and Airbnbs. Usually, we overstayed our welcome or my mother hadn’t paid the rent. Either way, we still moved our 10 or so possessions to yet another dingy, uncomfortable place in the same dingy, uncomfortable neighborhood. Needless to say, I’ve gotten pretty used to reliving the same nightmare over and over again. As I unthinkingly play one-person soccer with a rock along the sidewalk, I rehearse exactly what I’m going to say in one hour and five minutes. I’ve had everything planned down to the syllable for three weeks now. I’m just praying they don’t ask anything about my living situation. Ilene better be there and sober, or else I’ll be immediately excused. No parental guardian, no acceptance. This is the only opportunity I’ve ever had, and I will not let my self-centered, sorry excuse for a mother dictate whether or not it goes my way for once. I feel myself start to panic. The definition of fear, Powerful yet the weakest. I find myself consumed. It rules my thoughts, Anger When the library’s welcoming facade comes into view, I release a tired breath in an audible sigh. It’s a beautiful place built of brick and wood. Morning glories reach all the way to the top as though they are trying to protect the knowledge that lives here. The faded windows have frames of magenta that come straight out of a fairy tale. But this is just the outside— so little compared to the interior that I long ago memorized. A dozen spacious rooms with stained-glass windows taken right out of a church. Soft leather seats surrounding dim fireplaces. And then, the shelves themselves. Their oak wood carvings tinted with well-worn paint. They are the perfect pieces to hold the most wonderful things on Earth. I’m practically skipping towards the door when I’m hit with a shock of ice-cold water. My gasp is involuntary. It takes me a few freezing moments before I look up to where the attack came from. My gaze focuses in on a broken gutter. The bolt holding it to the side of the roof falls to the ground as if to shove it in my face. Well, this is perfect, isn’t it. Now I

Twenty Questions, Twenty Answers

  Only ten minutes had gone by since the last rest stop, but to me it felt like an hour. My knee bounced. My leg jiggled. My fingers drummed out syncopated rhythms on the door handle. “Jennifer,” said my older sister, Ula. “Stop tapping.” I gritted my teeth and began slapping the side of my thigh instead. “It’s Jenny.” “Jennifer, you’re still making noise.” “My name is Jenny!” “Ula, Jenny, stop bickering,” said Mom in that stiff, controlled voice that meant she was trying very, very hard not to yell. “Especially you, Ula. You’re 15. You should know better.” Dad turned around in the passenger seat. “Girls, you’re stressing her out. Why don’t you play Twenty Questions?” “Yes,” I said instantly. Ula groaned, but I noticed the look of satisfaction in her brown eyes. “I’ll start,” she said in a practiced drawl. “Fine.” The car fell silent while Ula thought of her object. I stared out the window at the wall of leafy green trees parading down the side of the road, bars of Mozart and Seitz and Boccherini running through my head. My own face—straight, thick black hair framing yellow-hazel eyes—looked dispassionately back at me. After a while, I switched to thinking about strange things that could happen as a result of insufficient AI attempts: A self-driving car is driving down a road. A tree falls across the road, and the car drives into it and explodes. However, right before it explodes, the car sends a record of what has happened to all the other self-driving cars. Instead of concluding that you should stop if a tree falls across the road, the cars all conclude that you should not drive near trees. I smiled at the image of cars inexplicably avoiding large swathes of forest. “All right,” Ula announced. “I’m ready.” Finally, I thought, turning from the window. My sister’s eyes were narrowed, as if in challenge. Her curly blonde hair had frizzed up around her face, making her look like some sort of evil villain in a comic book. “Is it a vegetable?” “No.” Ugh. Already I just felt like lying down and going to sleep. “Is it an animal?” She hesitated. “No.” The word seemed drawn-out, uncertain. That caught my attention. Ula was never unsure of something in Twenty Questions—or any game, for that matter. At least, she never showed it. “Is it a mineral?” I almost asked, but caught myself. Since there were only three categories—vegetable, animal, or mineral—it had to be. Furious at my mistake, I took a deep breath and said, “Is it bigger than a bread box?” “No.” “Is it a sort of big rock?” “A small boulder. No.” “Is it a regular object?” “No.” “Can it be seen if I look outside?” “No.” I hated how calm she was, how robotic, how unfazed by my questions. If this were a battle, I thought, she’d be winning. “Have we seen it before?” “Yes.” I blurted out the first question that came to my mouth. “When was the last time we saw it?” Ula’s mouth curled into a mocking sneer. “That’s not a yes-or-no question.” I gritted my teeth. “And it counts.” “Was the last time we saw it more than one year ago?” “Yes.” “More than two?” “Yes.” “More than three?” “Yes.” “More than four?” “No.” So when I was seven. Okay, this was not fair. But I knew I couldn’t back down now. I cast my memory back to important things that had happened four years ago. That was the year Dad had hurt his foot, leaving him unable to drive and with a limp. And the thing he had dropped on his foot was . . . Oh. The Christmas tree. Which would be classified in the vegetable category. I searched for other things, and my mind was drawn to a sweltering July day in Washington, D.C. Ula and I had had identical dripping raspberry gelato cones, which we licked desperately as we wandered with our parents around Capitol Hill. Despite my efforts, my hands and face had been glazed with bright red liquid. We had walked through Eastern Market, and even though I saw the same thing every day, I had been mesmerized by all the crazy kinds of produce for sale. The gelato on my face and hands somewhat mopped up, I had gingerly felt the scales of an artichoke, nervously prodded a pineapple’s serrated leaves, and generously tasted every plate of fruit samples, stopping only when my parents (and Ula) had dragged me away with angry scolding. Then, at Ula’s and my plaintive requests, we had gone to the library, with its blissfully cool aisles of bookshelves and its little reading tables by the windows. I had plopped down at one of them with a foot-high stack of Magic Tree House books I knew I wouldn’t be able to finish while Ula prowled the shelves. “ Something about that blissful day, so full of possibilities, so free of obligations, felt important. But nothing about it had anything to do with minerals. We had left the library and continued down the sweltering street. Ula and I had run back and forth along the red-bricked sidewalk, gathering up handfuls of fallen flowers from the crape myrtles and presenting them—I more proudly than Ula—to our parents. Secretly, I had swiped several sprigs of mint from a thick clump growing in someone’s front yard and peeking through the black-painted fence, thinking to use it for tea later. Something about that blissful day, so full of possibilities, so free of obligations, felt important. But nothing about it had anything to do with minerals. Reluctantly, I shifted the focus of my mental metal detector. Soon, it felt as if I had gone through every memory I had of the year 2014. There was my birthday in August—a water fight at Lincoln Park, with high-velocity squirt guns and hundreds of water balloons. And Ula’s in March, spent holed up inside our not-exactly-gigantic apartment with

A Trip to Paris?

  I visited the Shugakuin Imperial Villa on the last day of my trip. The garden is situated in the hills of the eastern suburbs of Kyoto. Tangerine, magenta, and gold maple leaves glided down and settled on calm water like peaceful raindrops. The smudged greens and oranges of the foliage and the shadow of the rounded stone bridge merged on the pond to create a rainbow. The harmonic gong of a bell brought my gaze to a little scarlet and white pagoda. Its up-turned roof corners and nine-tiered tower made it easily recognizable. For Buddhists, each tier on the pagoda’s tower represents one of nine levels of heaven. The scent of pond weed and lilies drifted up on the damp breeze. Camera snaps and elevated tourist chatter reminded me that I did not belong there. Box shrubs clustered around the edge of the pebble path. Behind them were the famous Japanese cherry blossom trees. And, every once in a while, bonsai also twisted and curled. Bonsai symbolize harmony and balance. They are grown with purposeful imperfection and the asymmetrical triangle used for their design symbolizes a continuation of life. Japan was defi nitely worth the trip. It was a little frightening at fi rst to walk around in Kyoto, so I suggest you use the subways until you get the hang of the streets. I found the Japanese were varied in their reception of an English tourist. Some grinned hugely at my accent and were willing to try to understand me, but some got annoyed at my lack of vocabulary and avoided me. Nevertheless, I wholeheartedly encourage you to plan a trip to Japan and to make sure you have the Shugakuin Imperial Villa at the top of your ‘to do’ list! Matthew set down his quill and stared at his ink-stained fingers. He thought about how Blossom would have loved the Imperial Villa. Shaking his head as if to rid himself of the thought, he placed the leaves of cream paper in a brown envelope and wrote: Travel column: Japan by Matthew Stevens For: The Daily Telegraph He plucked his hat off its hook and shrugged on his green corduroy coat. His scuffed, battered briefcase in one hand, and the rattling doorknob in the other, he let himself out of the flat. The sidewalk was cool in the early evening. Birds were singing and families were strolling home from a day at the park. Bird song is the best kind of music in the world, thought Matthew. Tired mothers pushed buggies with exhausted babies who drifted off to the rhythmic bumping. It had been a gorgeous day. The sun had been dazzling, the air heavy with blossoms and bird chatter. But now that evening had come, coolness rushed back in, as if trying to chase people off. When Matthew reached the Daily Telegraph office, he took off his hat and stepped inside. “Hello, Leslie.” Matthew smiled at the secretary who was hunched over some papers at her desk in the foyer. “Hello, Mr. Stevens.” Leslie smiled and straightened up. “We were worried about you when we heard about the earthquake in Japan. I hope you were alright,” Leslie asked with concern on her normally bright face. “Oh yes . . . I was alright . . . ” Matthew hesitated. How had she heard about the earthquake? “The epicenter was in the northern part of the island. Is Jane in her office?” Leslie waited a second as if for more information, then said, “Yes, Jane is in.” Matthew thanked her and strode along the short hallway until he came to an open door with a little plaque on it reading: Jane Cunningham, Secretary and Typist. Matthew knocked lightly. Jane glanced up from her work and beckoned him inside. “I’ll be with you in a second, sir.” Jane finished typing a sentence and then greeted Matthew: “Hello, Mr. Stevens.” Matthew said hello and handed her the brown envelope. “I’ll type it up straight away and get it to Mrs. Smith for tomorrow’s edition. How was Japan?” “Wonderful,” Matthew replied without further explanation. “It must have been amazing!” Jane prompted, but when she didn’t get any details, she moved on. “Mrs. Smith is out at the moment, but she left a message. You’re to go to France next. It has been a long time. Four years, wasn’t it? Such a beautiful and romantic place,” Jane ended dreamily, her eyes a little out of focus. “Yes, France is a popular holiday destination. I like going there myself. I’ll see you when I get back,” Matthew answered quickly. “Make sure you come back with a lovely story to tell.” Back outside, Matthew adjusted his briefcase and started down the narrow alleyway next to the office. At the end of the alleyway, he turned right onto a quaint street with trees lining the sidewalks and tulips in every garden; their petals faded in the twilight. At number 29, he took the steps up to a burgundy door two at a time. He hoped dinner would be ready. He rapped four times and then went to the kitchen window and tapped. A woman with his green eyes and brown hair glanced up at him and grinned, her eyes crinkling. She left the counter, leaving a man in the kitchen, and after a few seconds the front door opened. “Matthew! You’re a bit late!” She laughed. “I know, sorry. I had to stop by the office.” They hugged, and Matthew followed her inside and placed his briefcase by the shoe rack. He took a deep breath in of spicy coconut coming from the kitchen. “How are you, Gabrielle?” “I’m well. And you?” “Very well, but starving. Are you cooking curry?” “Arthur’s making his famous spicy masala.” They walked into the kitchen, but before Matthew could say hello to his brother-in-law, a flash of long flowing black hair, blue eyes, and small arms flew into his embrace. “Matthew!!!” Matthew hoisted the girl onto his lap