An update from our forty-ninth Writing Workshop A summary of the workshop held on Saturday October 9, plus some of the output published below For this writing workshop, William presented one of his revised workshop topics on thoughtful word choice. More specifically, William described the concepts of Consonance, repeating a consonant anywhere in a word, Alliteration, repeating the first consonant sound only, and Assonance, repeating the vowel sounds. After going over the classic tongue-twister example of “Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,” the class moved on to some more abstract examples, including the use of repetitive motifs in music, like in Beethoven or a piece by Philip Glass. The challenge: Write a new piece full of alliteration, consonance, and assonance OR revise one of your old pieces to add more similar sounds. The Participants: Liam, Elbert, Len D, Aditi, Samantha, Kate, Kina, Faiz, Sierra, Tilly, Grace, Iago, Nami, Jonathan The Train by Jonathan Li, 12 The entire place was bustling for a view. The walking cane came into view. The strong tree now supporting the stout old man. Short but steady he walked, clacking with the energy of a pirate’s peg leg. Poor as he was, a proper walking stick needed a good pick. Smoothed after years of use, it was all he needed in life. Little old man with a walking stick, brandished like a whip. Hurrying to the train, the stick made from tree waved and waved to reach the train going westward. Soon he saw the doors start closing. Surely he would turn and give up. I heard the wild noise, the shouts implying he would be squished like a pancake pie. He saw it too, felt the wind on his three white hairs, and moved with remarkable speed. And like that, we left the platform, impacts behind, hopes ahead, and memories forever stored. Off into the sunset. Aditi Nair, 13Midlothian, VA The Silent Stream by Aditi Nair, 13 A sliver of light contoured the salient soul of the silent stream– accentuating a surplus of red posies pirouetting with the wind, while shedding light on coarse cliffs masking the dotted trees on the horizon. Colors alter the way we comprehend nature. Colors alter the way we comprehend our lives. Even the scariest of places changes our perception. Even the quietest of places has a story waiting to be told. Buoyant boulders sing with the crashing waters, and lively leaves enliven the tranquil trees, while staying close to the silent stream.
teaching writing
Writing Activity: take a character on a believable journey from zero to hero
‘Tom Green,’ a story by 10-year-old Zahra Batteh, is a classic redemption tale. Tom Green, a horrible, spoiled, lazy young man loses all his money and privilege, and through a series of misfortunes and (eventually) hard work over several years develops compassion and gratitude, and becomes a better person. In the end, he finds happiness not in the material things that were all he cared about in the beginning but in a simpler, more generous-spirited life spent helping others. What makes this story extra special is the writer’s style: Zahra Batteh tells the story of Tom in a natural, almost conversational voice, but without wasting a word. Every short sentence moves the action forward and paints a picture of Tom’s life and character. In just four pages, Zahra manages to make the reader feel as though they know everything about Tom and how he has spent four whole years of his life. I think she achieves this feat partly though the spareness of her language. She doesn’t hint, or judge, or indulge in long, flowery descriptions; she lays out the facts plainly and simply, showing us who Tom was and who he becomes without ever telling us what she thinks he is like. It’s a great example of the power of “show, don’t tell.” The story also has a well-judged turning point about half way through where the previously unpleasant character begins to transform. The Activity First, read ‘Tom Green’ at least once, paying particular attention to the ways Tom’s character and behaviour are revealed all the way through the story. What language does Zahra use to describe Tom Green? You can also click on the audio link at the top of the story’s page to hear the author reading the story aloud herself at Soundcloud. After you have read it for yourself, try listening to the way Zahra reads, especially where she places emphasis, to get an insight into how she was thinking about Tom Green as she wrote his story. Show don’t tell: One of the things you will notice is how few adjectives and adverbs Zahra uses when she talks about Tom’s actions. She tells us what happens, but she doesn’t make a judgement or tell us readers what we should think of him. For example, in the first paragraph, she tells us that Tom expects all his food to taste incredible: “If there was ever something that didn’t meet his taste buds’ expectations, it would instantly hit the bottom of his trash can with a small thud, and the chef would be off to prepare a new and better dish.” Zahra doesn’t actually say that Tom Green spits out his food, throws it away, shouts at the chef (he has a personal chef!) and so on, but as we read this explanation of what happens, we can just imagine the horrible behaviour that Tom is displaying. Zahra leads us gently, showing us paragraph by paragraph what Tom’s qualities are. By showing us the actions without telling us exactly what to think of them she makes it possible for Tom’s ultimate transformation to sound believable. A clear turning point: Zahra is also very careful not to say too much about what Tom is feeling, which makes the nuggets she gives us speak loudly about him. At the beginning of the story, we learn that Tom “threatened” his parents with a lie, and then did a “small happy dance” when he learned they were dead. When he first loses all his money and has to move into a shed, we learn “he hated everything about” it. We hear that he has been fired from every job he has had over the past year, so it is a surprise to read on the third page that he feels “guilty” when the manager of Pick-up car service is nice to him, because he knows that a few years ago he would have treated this man like an “annoying fly”. This is the turning point. After this, Tom starts to “enjoy” his work, to listen to others, and to feel gratitude for what he has. He decides he wants to help to change the world for the better. Because Zahra has focused on his behaviour, rather than telling us Tom has a fundamentally bad character, her turning point is believable. Tom Green can change, and he does. Invent your own flawed character and think about what might lead them to redemption. Then, try to write their story as simply, and with as little judgement of their actions, as you can. Identify a believable turning point where they start to change for the better. Show us, don’t tell us, who your main character is. Let your readers make up their own minds about who they are and what they are like.
Weekly Writing Workshop #20: Character Sketches Part II
An update from our twentienth Weekly Writing Workshop! A summary of the workshop held on Friday August 14, plus some of the output published below This week, the last in our first series of Writing Workshops, our founder William Rubel returned to an earlier theme: character sketches. Last time we worked on character (Workshop #14), we focused on giving a sense of character through description of their appearance. In this week’s workshop we were less concerned about what they look like physically than who the character really is—who are his or her friends—what is his or her inner self? We also wanted to provide links from the character into the the larger story they are part of. Before embarking on our own writing, William and the group analysed the description of the character Captain Cuttle, from Charles Dickens’ novel Dombey and Son, given in an eccentric nineteenth-century encyclopaedia of Character Sketches from works of fiction. In just one paragraph, the writer revealed details of Captain Cuttle’s personality, behaviour, mannerisms, accent, clothes and demeanour as perceived by others, and in doing so also revealed parts of the story he was involved in. The Writing Challenge: Write a character description that tells us more about the character than what they look like. The Participants: Nami, Georgia, Simran, Ella, Kanav, Maddie, Madeline, Peri, Samantha, Sasha, Shel, Tilly, Vishnu, Aditi, Suman, Shreya, Lena and more… See below for some of the great writing that came out of this week’s workshop! Peri Gordon, 10Sherman Oaks, CA Lonely Peri Gordon, 10 Lila Sale had only a few friends and never made any new ones. Her trademark was a sigh, a sad, downcast sigh. She was the youngest in her family, with three cruel siblings who couldn’t care less about her. They called her “Lonely,” plus other mean names. “Get over here, Lonely!” “You’re a clumsy idiot, Lonely!” Lila would come to school dragging her feet, trudging slowly through the halls, finding those rare friends of hers, who, like her, really only moped. A lot of the other children, the most popular especially, were similar to Lila’s siblings in character, and she was truly afraid of those ones. The worst was when she ran into her actual siblings (who were popular themselves) and paid the price a million times over, embarrassed and melancholy and even lonelier, for her friends would have fled the scene already. “What’cha doin’, Lonely?” “Where’d your little friends go, Lonely?” Whenever Lila saw anyone who was happy, she would always murmur, “I wish I was like that.” Kanav Kachoria, 12Potomac, MD Coach Adams Kanav Kachoria, 12 There once was a football coach for the Eastern Shore Eagles named Coach Adams. Everyone at the high school loved him. It was practically impossible for someone in Eastern Shore to not know him, unless they lived under a rock. Coach Adams was a very fun but strict coach. The high school players always used to tease and call him bittersweet depending on his personality. One day he was the jolliest man in the world with his pearly white teeth smile, and then another day out of the blue he was as fierce as a lion. It didn’t make any sense. Coach had some wrinkles on his peach-colored face, but not a lot. He always wore a Nike green cap with the yellow logo of Eastern Shore on top of his head, covering his white hair. Also, he wore a blue and green jacket with the high school’s logo on it every single day. At the Eastern Shore High football games, he chewed his minty Polar Ice gum like crazy on the sidelines, saying that it was the best gum out there. Coach Adams’s main quotes were to “never give up” and to “have confidence in yourself” since that is what you need in football and anything in life. With all the unbelievable actions Coach Adams did, he will go down as one of the greatest football coaches in history and will be remembered as the Eastern Shore Eagles football coach greatly. Madeline Kline, 12Potomac, MD Bad Boy Madeline Kline, 12 My brother is extremely popular, being friends with almost everyone. At school, I always notice a huge crowd of people either next to him or behind him, trying to get a chance to talk to him. Obviously I’m his best friend, but he treats everyone at school like a best friend. He’s very handsome, with dark hair (usually ruffled) and bright eyes. His favorite jacket is worn so often that you can’t even tell what the words on it say, with all the stains. Still, he refuses to let Mom wash it. He’s a huge procrastinator, and whenever he’s asked to do something, responds with “Just give me a minute,” or “Just let me finish this.” He never manages to do what he was asked to do, to begin with. He also treats me like I’m his equal, even though I’m three years younger. Often he joins me in playing video games and loses repeatedly. It doesn’t matter to him, though. Whenever he asks to play, and I point out how easily I win, he says “I like a challenge.” And that he does. He’ll do anything he’s challenged to do, no matter how outrageous or how much trouble it will get him in. Therefore, he gives off a “Bad boy” image that makes all the girls his age cling to him like he actually gives them a second thought. Zack isn’t into girls, though. I don’t know how I figured out, or when. I don’t even know if Mom and Dad know. I think they must, but they don’t give any indication that they know. Someday, though it’ll come out. Secrets never stay secret for long when you’re the most popular boy in the school. Shreya Sharath, 11Cohoes, NY Penelope Fiddlesticks Shreya Sharath, 11 Many people have this fear about being the new student in the class, but this girl walked with her head held up high. Her name
